How it all started…
Regretting that I did not read much in 2020 and allowing Netflix to take over my life, one of my New Year resolutions this year is to read at least 50 pages each day. Why 50? Because I think it is an attainable goal no matter how busy I am.
Randomly (or probably pushed by fate), I picked up After Dark sitting on my shelf for years. Little did I know, it will snowball into a major challenge, which I have never attempted in my life – reading all of his works. I started reading Murakami more than 10 years ago and it was the reason why I studied Nihongo and why I read other Japanese contemporary authors like Banana Yoshimoto, Natsuo Kirino, Yoko Ogawa, et al.
I know that delving into the world of Murakami of talking cats, two moons, parallel universes, vanishing elephants, and superhero frogs can be quite challenging and it is not everyone’s cup of tea. This is the exact reason why I dropped Murakami after reading Kafka on the Shore ages ago. Therefore, like Sumire, I must write things down in order to understand, so I started this running blog to put down my thoughts and theories on the meanings and endings, which have been the topics of endless debates about his works.
Jump to:
Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage
South of Border, West of the Sun
Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World
Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche
Absolutely on Music: Conversations with Seiji Ozawa
What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
January
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After Dark
I knew that I wanted to read something short just to start the ball rolling. After Dark is the perfect length. In a course of a night, Murakami transported us to Shibuya between night and dawn. I felt like it was a short noir film. It is like a film you watch for cinematography as nothing major happened in the book. If we will sum it up, it is about what happened on one particular night while everybody is asleep.
The main theme of the book is dualism and that there are two contrasting sides – same as night and day. In the book, we saw it many times. With the sisters, Eri and Mari, and how they are so different from each other. Then within themselves – Eri is described as beautiful and well-liked but struggles psychologically and felt trapped, while Mari looks cold but cares a lot about her sister. Also, with Shirakawa who looks like a responsible salaryman but holds dark secrets. I think Murakami put things, usually concealed in darkness, to light.
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Hear the Wind Sing/Pinball
This is Haruki Murakami’s debut novel. What’s great about debut novels is that it is rough on the edges. It feels like they are looking for their own style. According to the introduction, Murakami first wrote in English then translating to Japanese to circumvent the formal tone of the language. Thus, creating his own style. Also, most authors feel like it is their only shot at getting published, they bet everything on this one. This is the only novel I know so far that has an ending.
In Pinball, it narrates the events that happened after “I” went back to university and before Rat became a writer in Hear the Wind Sing. I felt Rat’s struggle on his lacking of purpose and not knowing what to do with his life or where his passion lies. We all had those existentialist moments.
The narrator is obsessed with this Pinball machine he used to play and he went to extreme lengths to see one again. However, in a warehouse with a harem of pinball machines and finding the same machine he used to play in J’s bar, he did not play it. I felt the same feeling when the Little Prince came across a field of beautiful roses, but they were not special like his rose.
There are some bizarre moments in the book such as the twins and the funeral of the switch panel? I was like, whuuuut? However, I read a review that says, “no one reads Murakami for the plot” and I found comfort in that. So, I just went with the flow thinking that this is a trilogy, maybe the meaning I am looking for is at the next station.
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The Elephant Vanishes
A hit-and-miss collection of short stories. Reading it took me on a rollercoaster of emotions. Some stories are funny; some stories left me in wonder, while others are plainly horrifying. My favourites are Barn Burning and Second Bakery Attack.
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Norwegian Wood
No wonder that Murakami rose among the ranks of important figures in contemporary Japanese literature when he published Norwegian Wood. The book is easy to read and is more approachable compared to his other works about magical realism shit. The story is very straightforward. It is a coming of age love story, which is probably a dime a dozen, but nobody tells a story as heartbreaking and melancholic as Murakami. There is this sense that everything is ending, especially for Naoko. There are so many deaths in this book as if suggesting that that is the only way out of suffering.
Whatever happened to Stormtrooper? I kept searching on the Internet until I saw an explanation saying that there are people in our lives that simply vanished and we don’t know what happened. I suddenly thought of a friend of mine in highschool. I don’t know where he is right now. He is my Stormtrooper. He was one of the first persons who believed in my writing – my dream.
February
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Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage
Nursing a hangover from Norwegian Wood, I immediately picked up Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki for I think they have the same themes. However, reading Colourless after a masterpiece like Norwegian Wood, the former pales in comparison and it was a bit of a let-down.
Reading it is like untangling a piece of string; but in the end, you found more entangled strings. The story of these five friends is very relatable. You probably have friends with whom you burned bridges or them with you.
Tsukuru’s journey in understanding his banishment from the group ends up a journey of self-healing and making peace with his past. As Sara said, that is the only way he can move forward. The last chapter of Tsukuru’s monologue explains why Shiro did what she did. During his “pilgrimage,” Tsukuru learned what others think of him, which is different from what he perceived himself. He found out that he is not colourless after all.
Did he end up with Sara? Who is the older guy that Sara’s with? I assumed that Sara was also on her own journey so she can be with Tsukuru that is why she asked for more time before she can give an answer.
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Sputnik Sweetheart
This is a short read but very Murakami-like. The greatest mystery is where did Sumire go? I think the alternative universe is a place where things go our way. Where Sumire was able to write and ended up with Miu; where Miu is full of vitality.
The ending haunts the audience: Did K went on the other side? For me, yes. On the other side, he is able to be with Sumire.
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Kafka on the Shore
What the fuck did I just read? I read Kafka on the Shore in the past and I was lost. It is the reason why I dropped Murakami and said ‘Sorry, this magical realism is not for me. Sayonara!’ Rereading it, I found deeper respect for Murakami’s art of storytelling. He has the ability to transport you from reality to lucid dreams lying in the deep recesses of your brain.
So, what is it all about? In one of Murakami’s interviews, he said that Kafka on the Shore has many riddles that may or may not have a solution. Interpretation depends on the reader. I found comfort after reading this and I dove into Murakami’s world of talking cats, fish and leeches falling from the sky, and flute made from cats’ souls. I would say that I will not be able to see Colonel Sanders the same way again. It made me wonder what the author thinks of the different fan theories. I imagine him watching the whole world debate his work having a fit knowing that only he holds the key, just like the mischievous fairy or a naughty tanuki.
Also, I am grateful for Murakami’s simple style that made it easier for me to breeze through the book. When I was still in university studying journalism, the first lesson in writing is KISS – Keep It Short and Simple. The contrast of unembellished and straightforward storytelling and surreal themes made it balanced — like yin-yang. Imagine if he used hifalutin language and turn-a-phrase explaining all these parallel universe and entrance stone, I will probably throw the book across the room.
I think that the whole book is a metaphor. Oshima said that the whole world is full of metaphors. I think that the Oedipus-like prophecy is a metaphor for Kafka’s hatred towards his father and his longing for the love of his mother and sister. He tried to run away from it, but it follows him around because it is within him. This will not be resolved unless he opens his heart and confronts it. The forest represents his emotional turmoil. He tried to enter the forest many times but his fear of the unknown prevented him. When he decided to throw caution to the wind and charged forward, he found the entrance to this alternate world. For me, that world signifies death. When Kafka ventured there, he wanted to stay because there is no suffering, and time and memory do not matter. He managed to leave after forgiving his mother who abandoned him represented by Miss Saeki. That is why he managed to get out of the forest with no difficulty even without a compass or spray paint. After emerging from the forest, he is done running away and plans to continue to live on — choosing life.
Kafka on the Shore also presented the idea of fate being a double-edged sword. It showed how it almost destroyed Kafka and how it transformed Hoshino for the better. Can we just recognise Hoshino’s role in this book? For me, he is the unsung hero in Kafka on the Shore. The one who befriended Nakata, the one who found the entrance stone, the one who opened and closed it, the one who killed Johnnie Walker, and the one with the best resolution after all the catastrophe.
Kafka on the Shore is not something you can read during your commute or while lounging by a pool on a holiday. Its themes and imagery demand your full attention. I first read this book when I was still in university; and by the time that I finished the book, I felt that I barely scratched the surface.
It is not a story, it is an experience.
To end these musings, I’ll share my favourite fanmade arrangement of the song Kafka on the Shore.
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A Wild Sheep Chase
The third book in Murakami’s Rat’s tetralogy. The story happens in 1978, five years after Pinball. “I” is 29 years old married and divorced the girl from the office and Rat, 30, left their hometown. This has been mentioned at the end of Hear The Wind Sing and this is where the story picks up.
Although Murakami has become known for writing whatever the fuck he wants and often gets away with it, A Wild Sheep Chase is brimful of symbolism. At first, I thought of the ‘sheep’ as our worldly desire (material things, wealth, power, and etcetera). At the beginning, we were led to believe that the sheep is something that we should chase. Some even mistake it as their passion (e.g. sheep professor). However, nearing the conclusion, we learned that the sheep is somehow evil.
Why do I think of it this way? “I” lost everything in this book – his wife, his hometown, his job, his girlfriend, and his friend. What is left when you lose everything? At the end, “I” gave the huge sum of money he earned from finding the sheep to J because it is not important to him anymore.
In Hear The Wind Sing, Rat struggles with his purposelessness and readers see his downward spiral in Pinball. Rat left town to search for a reason to live — for the lack of a better term, his ikigai. I think that when the sheep entered/tried to possess him, he committed suicide because it is not what he was looking for.
One thing I hate and love about Murakami books is how they linger on me and keep me up a few nights after reading them like a cheating ex-lover. While I am usually satisfied with my personal take on the previous Murakami books that I have read, something is unsettled within me on this one. Call it journalist intuition, but I felt that there is more to it. On its Wikipedia page, it is mentioned that the book is related to another Japanese author Yukio Mishima. Following that trail, it led me to a 113-page research paper about Japan’s post-war identity (which is probably why the characters, except for the cat, has no name), revealing that the sheep represents Western ideologies, which I will not elaborate in detail here as it is a lengthy discussion.
Moreover, there are a lot of parallels between Mishima and the Rat. The Rat rejected the sheep, the same way Mishima disapproved of the Westernization of Japan following WWII and his pursuit of preserving Japan’s unique identity. Further reading led me to the emperor’s divinity and the Japanese’s yamato-tamashi, which is somehow related to Rat’s otherworldly experience he felt on the emperor’s burial ground in Nara. In the end, the Rat and Mishima committed suicide.
It also made sense that the story brought us to Hokkaido where the old and the new meet. Hokkaido is called the land of the gods – the home of the Ainu or the indigenous people of Japan before the yamatos colonized them. Moreover, there are also traces of Western culture in the region, some were established pre-war. So, it is like Murakami is questioning what is the real identity of Japan? And now, I have another reason to visit Hokkaido after lockdown.
While digging deeper, all I can do is exclaim “ooohhhs” and “aaahhhs” as the puzzle is resolved in my mind and the book took a whole different meaning and it was beautiful.
—
Dance Dance Dance
After finishing A Wild Sheep Chase, I felt a momentum to just finish the Rat tetralogy and went ahead with Dance Dance Dance and I would say that “I” has one of the best resolutions in literature, in my opinion. From being an apathetic person to someone yearning for real human connection.
Thanks to Reddit for giving me a hint about Jungian theory. I actually had a conversation with my friend who is a psychology graduate to explain it more. I thought that the different characters represent the different Jungian archetypes like Mei as the jester, Ame as the artist, Dick North as the caregiver, etc. “I’s” interactions with these characters, he came to know more about himself. Dance Dance Dance showed the different sides of “I” such as his fatherly-side when he is Yuki; his friendship with Gotanda; his obsession with Kiki; and his love? for Yumiyoshi. Even if you can read it as a stand-alone book, I think that you will appreciate “I’s” journey and transformation more if you read the three other books.
However, I admit that there are some parts of the book that made me raise an eyebrow such as how “I” expressed his love for Yumiyoshi at the end of the book. “I knew that we would sleep together” is like the worst pick-up line. Bruh, how confident are you?
March
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Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
How would you describe this piece of literature? The best way I can describe this book is like looking in a huge aquarium housing different fishes. You look at one side, a manta ray majestically flaps its wings; you look on to your left, a school of sardines energetically pirouettes; and if you look up, a lone shark quietly glides. You have to take a step back to appreciate the whole scene.
Despite that and because of that, it is my least favourite book so far. It is a very dense book, so I tried to read slowly. I felt that it is a bit all over the place.
I opened the book and read about Toru (another one of Murakami’s self-absorbed, fatalistic bums) and his quest to bring back his wife, Kumiko. I was halfway through the book and I was still unsure what is going on. I was a bit frustrated with Toru who wastes time like no other. I list down some of Toru’s activities on the back page of the book:
- 2-3 days in the well
- 11 days in Shinjuku watching faces (summer)
- 3-4 days aimless walks
- 8 days in Shinjuku watching faces (winter)
- 6 days staying in his house
However, there are parts in the book when it mentioned to “stay still” and “do nothing”. It reminded me that there are some events in our life wherein you don’t have to do anything. It will fix itself like the weather.
There are so many themes in this book like pain and its karmic nature, confronting your own darkness, alienation, and dichotomy. But one thing that stood out for me is fate vs. free will. The Wataya family and the couple were guided by seers. Kumiko, Nutmeg, and Nutmeg’s father (the veterinarian) believed that they ended where they were because it has been decided by fate. It made me wonder if fate directs our life, how do we know we chose something with our own free will? Also, can we really change destiny?
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South of Border, West of the Sun
After the three books I read in succession, I felt like I needed a break from the surreal and dream-like prose of Murakami. It has been a strategy of mine in this challenge. I read the books with straightforward lyricism in between the magical realism ones like stone markers.
For me, the book showed how being hung up with the past can destroy you and everything around you. Is the adult Shimamoto real? I think yes and no. I think that Shimamoto really visited Robin’s Nest, igniting the feelings of the past. But that trip to Hakone was conjured by Hajime when he can no longer bear his longing for her just like a farmer with Siberian hysteria chasing whatever that is on the west of the sun.
Hajime is one of those weak-willed men lacking ambition and conviction. At the end of the book, Yukiko said: “You’re not the only one who’s thrown away something, who’s lost something.” We all have some kind of baggage, but what matter is what you are going to do about it.
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Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World
Unlike the previous Murakami books that I have read – Kafka on the Shore and Wind-Up Bird Chronicle – that started with everyday humdrum experiences, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World throws you in Murakami world in that elevator ride. My psychologist friend had another fun conversation about Freud’s theory of the mind, which I think is the theme of the book. I saw the circuit 1, 2, and 3 representing the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious part of the mind. As explained, The End of the World is the unconscious of the protagonist.
Materialism is another theme layered in the book, which I relate to more than the theory of the mind. Hard-Boiled Wonderland depicts a technologically-advanced Tokyo where information is valued like weapons – traded in the black market. Although the main character claimed to be indifferent to capitalism, it has caught up to him with his shopping habits and working like a dog until he can retire for a good life in Greece. Meanwhile, The End of the World is the complete contrast of Hard-Boiled Wonderland, the former is set in a medieval, Tolkien-like village enclosed in an impenetrable wall like Troy. Most of the structures are in ruins and are stripped down to the bare necessities. They say that the unconscious part of our mind contains our deeply-held fears and fantasies.
Learning that he has 24 hours to live, the protagonist embodied the famous line: “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die”. In the end, he cut up his credit cards like cutting up his ties in the material world and connect with people such as the librarian and his last phone call with the scientist’s granddaughter, seemingly saying (at least to me) that this is far more important than the riches in the world. His final moments of wishing everybody happiness and fading out with Bob Dylan in the background is so beautiful and, I think, is not a bad way to go.
Here is a video of what the subterranean Tokyo looked like for reference.
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Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman
This is my favourite collection of short stories, but I have to read his other collections before I pass my judgment. As mentioned in the introduction, we saw how stories grew into novels. I think the Man-Eating Cats in the form of a short story is more powerful and made more sense than in Sumire and K’s experience as the climax in Sputnik Sweetheart.
Some stories captured the loneliness of the man in The Year of Spaghetti; the helplessness of the wife in Ice Man; and the grief of the mother in Hanalei Bay and the husband in Tony Takitani. However, I tend to favour the positive stories like Birthday Girl, The Seventh Man, and Chance Traveller, maybe because I am always reading depressing news about the pandemic nowadays.
What do you think the girl wished for her birthday? The clues are:
- Her wish came true
- She has still a lot of living left to do
- Time plays an important role
- She does not regret wishing it and will wish for it again
I think she wished for a “good life”.
—
After the Quake
The six stories are strung together by the Kobe earthquake, although the event is in the background. It shows that life continues to flow despite the incident. Except for the Landscape with Flatiron, the stories are melancholic but there is also a sense of hope and redemption amid their suffering. My favourite is Honey Pie, especially its last paragraph.
“I want to write stories that are different from the ones I’ve written so far…I want to write about people who dream and wait for the night to end, who long for the light, so they can hold the ones they love.”
April
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Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche
It is as if fate plays a role in my reading challenge that I read After the Quake and Underground which were inspired by the two major disasters in Japan in 1995 (Kobe earthquake in January and Tokyo Gas Attack in March). Stories about crime and cult are rights up my alley and I watched other videos and documentaries about the cult. Media coverage focused on the bizarre stories about Aum Shinrikyo, which I admit is quite intriguing once you dig deeper. However, Underground wanted to show that the victims are ordinary people going about their lives the day of the incident and how it changed their lives since then.
While the interviews with the victims are moving, especially the story of Eiji Wada, the accounts of the former members of Aum who has no direct participation in the crime are more intriguing. They shared why they joined the organisation and most of them find the way they live devoid of meaning and was unable to blend in society. These have become popular themes in Murakami’s works. I feel like these members of Aum suffered unfair treatment as they were denied opportunities and were put under surveillance even years after the incident. After all, no one should be punished for searching one’s life’s meaning.
It is also worth it to know a bit of what was going on in Japan at that time. After the war, Japan relentlessly rebuilt its wealth and reputation. In early 90s, the bubble burst and Japan is in recession. These talks about money and capitalism contradict the Japanese inherent belief, being a Buddhist nation, which is to live simply.
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Killing Commendatore
Murakami’s latest novel seems like a futile attempt to replicate the impact of his earlier works. A lot of the tropes were reused. Here are some of my observations:
- The divorce of the narrator with his wife Yuzu is reminiscent of the divorce of boku and his wife in A Wild Sheep Chase.
- His isolation in the mountains in Odawara was like when Rat and boku stayed in Hokkaido or Kafka’s reclusion in a mountain hours away from Takamatsu.
- The pit reminded us of the well in Wind Up Bird Chronicle.
- His journey in the world of metaphors, especially in the wind cave, is like the journey of the narrator in Tokyo’s underground in Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World.
- The Commendatore is an idea like Colonel Sanders in Kafka on the Shore.
It seems that we have met some of the characters as well.
- Masahiko is like Oshima who largely helped the narrator
- Menshiki is like Nutmeg who is the protagonist’s benefactor
- Mariye is like the Yuki, the 13-year-old girl who befriended boku in Dance, Dance, Dance
These similarities make me feel like Killing Commendatore is easier to read. Even if I did not enjoy Wind Up Bird Chronicle, I know that the latter is more superior to KC in terms of writing and plot. I feel like Killing Commendatore is a rehash or homage of Murakami’s other works. Something that is noticeably absent in this work is Murakami’s humour – no singing on the rooftop while your neighbour’s house is burning or the funny account on limping just to finish the marathon.
What I like about Killing Commendatore is it takes the readers behind the scenes of art creation. Although the creative process is unique to every artist, it all starts with inspiration and the right environment. Also, it showed the role of art starting as a form of expression by the artists and eventually the audience relating to it, reflecting their own feelings.
For me, the book depicted the left and right brain and our search for meaning.
Narrator (right-brained) – artist, creative, intuitive
Menshiki (left-brained) – logical, analytical, meticulous, planner
The White Man in Subaru Forester signifies the darkness within the narrator. This reminded me of Osamu Dazai’s main character in No Longer Human, Oba Youzou, who tried to paint the Obake (ghost), which he described as his real self.
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The Strange Library
This book is like a children story with Murakami elements. I feel like I am reading Neil Gaiman’s Coraline.
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Men Without Women
Women in Murakami works are always secondary characters, but in this book, it showed women’s effects on the main character. In the final story, Men Without Women experienced extreme loneliness after the woman left. I really like Yesterday and Scheherazade in this collection, probably because they both have a funny bit in them.
May
1Q84
Do not be daunted by its size, Murakami’s simple style of storytelling makes it easier to read and you will be surprised how the pages fly by. I really enjoyed it; more than the widely-acclaimed Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.
Just like his other works, you can dissect this book’s many layers. The main plot is the classic good vs. evil trope. The Little People is the main antagonist in the world called 1Q84, and Fuku Eri-Tengo-Aomame is the force opposing them. They represented evil and they are important forces to this world in order to maintain balance. Where there is light, there must be shadow.
Relating it to the self, the more we try to be perfect, the more desperately the Shadow’s will to be evil and destructive. In short, the more we strive for perfection, it will lead to self-destruction. Because everyone has aggressive impulses, taboo mental images, shameful experiences, immoral urges, fears, irrational wishes, unacceptable sexual desires – which all comprise the shadow.
Moreover, the dohta is the shadow of the maza’s heart and mind. They look alike because they are parts of the Self. Fuka-Eri rejected her dohta and ran away. For me, it represented the projection of our unconscious mind.
What I like about in 1Q84 is the bit about the “Town of Cats,” which symbolised our existentialist void. We filled the void differently. Tengo’s father filled his void by raising Tengo, Dowager filled hers by saving abused women and children, Tengo and Aomame finally filled theirs by becoming a family.
I read this book during the ‘Blood Moon’. Don’t you think this is a beautiful coincidence? Or is it?
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Absolutely on Music: Conversations with Seiji Ozawa
I thought that it will be hard to get lost in this book as I have little knowledge about classical music. At first, I thought that this will be like “Tuesdays with Morrie” but this book is far from that. I played the pieces mentioned as I read it, so I will have an idea of what they were talking about. By doing this, I feel like I am eavesdropping in their conversations.
I can feel Murakami’s enthusiasm in this book as he wrote his favourite subject. This may be rude, but it is otaku-poi.
June
First Person Singular
As the book title suggests, every story is told in first-person POV. Memories dusted with magical realism, I felt like I was peeking into Murakami’s past and thinking process in this latest collection of short stories. In Filipino slang, we call these overly exaggerated stories “bolachi” – part truth, part lies.
I can’t help but wonder if the girl pianist in Cream inspired the character of Shiro in Colourless Tsukuru or if his ex-girlfriend in With The Beatles inspired Naoko in Norwegian Wood. Meanwhile, Carnaval is quite memorable because of its plot twist, but the Shinagawa Monkey truly makes an impression.
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What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
Here we have essays focused on Murakami’s life as a runner. For someone who hasn’t run a mile in my life, I was amazed by the training and dedication runners have. I am not really a sports fan (as everything seemed too fast-paced for me), but I am a sucker for sports anime for I love to see the passion and hard work of athletes as if they are betting everything in every game.
I feel grateful for how he relates running to writing. I read this book every year to motivate me to write. Whenever I read stories that move me, I feel a bit depressed thinking that I can never write something as beautiful and moving. However, I am encouraged whenever I come across the part where Murakami says that writing needs talent and endurance.
The best take-home advice is how doing mundane tasks can be of value, philosophical even. He says, “Maybe it’s some pointless act but at least the effort you put into it remains. Whether it’s good for anything or not, cool or totally uncool, in the final analysis, what’s most important is what you can’t see but can feel in your heart. To be able to grasp something of value, sometimes you have to perform seemingly inefficient acts.”
An on that note, this whole reading challenge may amount to nothing but I may have learned a few things. 22 books in 19 weeks! So now, what to read next?
Thanks for your blog? I have read only a few of these, and I have mostly focused on the short stories, since I found Sputnik and Norwegian a bit disappointing. I am currently reading After Dark. Men witthout Women and After the Quake are the two collections I liked most, I think having a central theme helped. I found First person Singular a bit dull, I guess it was autobiographical? Still have Elephant on my reading list, but not sure how I feel about tacking another of his novels. Banana Yoshimoto’s Moshi Moshi felt more satisfying, even if it was a little lighter.
Agree with First Person Singular. If I have to choose one story collection that I like, it would be After the Quake. But I really like Birthday Girl and Second Bakery Attack.
WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..more wait .. 😉 ?