I have had enough of you bibliophile posers and book-nerd wannabes!
You want a book in mint condition? Bruh, just buy a brand-new book from Barnes and Noble or Amazon!
Why am I being treated like the ugly twin?!
You want a book with no crease on the spine? Let me ask you, have you seen a farmer with his back straight? As Hoshino told Nakata, every lorry driver has back problems just as pitchers all have sore shoulders. What can I do? My previous owner has to open me in order to read me.
You want a book with no tanned pages? Aren’t you being racist? I can’t help it if my previous owner has a south-facing window, can I? Also, she loves to bring me to sunny places like her local coffee shop, at a nearby park, by the pool and at the beach.
You want a book with no writings in them? Have you ever heard of marginalia? My pages are filled with margin notes of her thoughts and feelings. I have sticky notes that mark her favourite turn of events and my pages are full of neon highlighters like the red-light district marking her much-loved phrases.
You want a book with no stain? She loves to drink coffee while she reads, she calls it relaxing. I have her blood, sweat and tears absorbed in my pages because she pants when the characters are in a pinch and she cries when they are in an emotional turmoil. The blood is from a papercut, LOL.
You want a book that smells like a newly-printed newspaper? I will roll my eyes if I had them. Guess what, I have a smell that you cannot bottle up.
This I will tell you; every crease, every stain, every margin note tells a story far beyond the one written on my pages.